In the same way that V was aware of his panic, upset, and pain, he was also aware of the fact that he had to figure out how to get through this and start functioning again. If there was danger, he would hardly be able to live with himself if he was worthless in a fight and had to be defended like some damsel in distress. This was the worst trauma response that V had ever had and he had no clue how to interrupt it.
Alec gripping his wrist made V find the ground below his feet, a good start to pull out of this dissociation. V focused on that contact, working hard on trying to associate that touch with something he was actually feeling. He kept all of his feelings pushed out as far as he could but he was coming back into his body and the smarting of his hand grew a little closer to home. He still struggled to identify it as his but he felt it. His breathing started picking up as the panic he'd previously been aware of also grew close, and he had to make a concentrated effort to slow his breathing and steady his hands now that they were starting to shake. His hands curled into fists and clenched to force them steady as Alec opened the door.
Nothing happened. Well, the door opened, and it opened smoothly - like V had thought it would - but nothing jumped in to attack, there didn't seem to be a trail of corpses and blood outside. V didn't bother to peek into the hall - he'd let Alec have those honors. V did straighten up and relaxed his fists, finally willing to face the smarting of his left hand as he cradled it with his right hand.
"Fuckin' told you," he said. His voice was thin despite the attempt to be tough. He was still very clearly shaken. V turned away from Alec and went to the bathroom to rinse off his hand. He glanced in the mirror just long enough to see his eyes were flashes of green before he forced his gaze down and away from the mirror. He couldn't. He refused. He coughed lightly as he turned the water on and hissed through his teeth as he dunked his hand under the water. He'd cut way deeper than he'd needed to because he hadn't expected it to matter. It made his mood sour, to say the least.
"Can I have my fuckin' knife back?" He didn't know what exactly Alec was trying to get at with his own question but he had no intent on mentioning anything about himself to him.
no subject
Alec gripping his wrist made V find the ground below his feet, a good start to pull out of this dissociation. V focused on that contact, working hard on trying to associate that touch with something he was actually feeling. He kept all of his feelings pushed out as far as he could but he was coming back into his body and the smarting of his hand grew a little closer to home. He still struggled to identify it as his but he felt it. His breathing started picking up as the panic he'd previously been aware of also grew close, and he had to make a concentrated effort to slow his breathing and steady his hands now that they were starting to shake. His hands curled into fists and clenched to force them steady as Alec opened the door.
Nothing happened. Well, the door opened, and it opened smoothly - like V had thought it would - but nothing jumped in to attack, there didn't seem to be a trail of corpses and blood outside. V didn't bother to peek into the hall - he'd let Alec have those honors. V did straighten up and relaxed his fists, finally willing to face the smarting of his left hand as he cradled it with his right hand.
"Fuckin' told you," he said. His voice was thin despite the attempt to be tough. He was still very clearly shaken. V turned away from Alec and went to the bathroom to rinse off his hand. He glanced in the mirror just long enough to see his eyes were flashes of green before he forced his gaze down and away from the mirror. He couldn't. He refused. He coughed lightly as he turned the water on and hissed through his teeth as he dunked his hand under the water. He'd cut way deeper than he'd needed to because he hadn't expected it to matter. It made his mood sour, to say the least.
"Can I have my fuckin' knife back?" He didn't know what exactly Alec was trying to get at with his own question but he had no intent on mentioning anything about himself to him.